


Safe and Sound

by ArthursKnight



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Hurt Merle Dixon, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know what to tag this anymore so please tell me if something should be added, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 00:32:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11566614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthursKnight/pseuds/ArthursKnight
Summary: Merle thinks about his past, and it may get in the way of the present.





	Safe and Sound

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> First thing first: I haven't written in so long, and I kind of used this fic as a warm-up to start again.  
> It's Rick/Merle, established but still developing. I wanted to try and avoid smut, and I made so they had a kinda serious conversation because that's what healthy couples do!  
> Second thing: I am new to the fandom. I am at season 4. I love Merle, he is my favorite character and I'm sorry he died. He was a deep character and it's seriously wasted potential... 
> 
> English is not my first language, and I don't have a Beta. Man, am I shit at summaries...
> 
> READ THE TAGS. Don't like, don't read. I put Explicit to be safe because Merle's memories ARE kind of explicit even if nothing happens between Rick and Merle
> 
>  
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS AND DO NOT MAKE MONEY OUT OF THIS WORK. ALL RIGHTS TO THE RESPETIVE OWNERS.

_A sense of Deja-vù invaded Merle as he stared at his father lowering his pants and forcing Merle to suck him off. Everything seemed fake, faint like a reminiscence of things past. Will’s grip on the child’s jaw hurt, but Merle didn’t want to wake Daryl up. He couldn’t look away from the grin on his father’s face, not even when he finished in his mouth and hit him hard. Everything blurred._

 

The bright light of the moon whitened the dark cell Merle and Rick had decided to stay in. There was a light breeze caressing Merle’s skin, soothing the old wounds Merle didn’t want to think about, and he could hear Rick’s soft snoring, the only noise ruining the perfect, unnatural silence. The same silence that had surrounded him while he had stared at his house burning, his mother inside.

 

_The fire warmed up his face, but he knew it wasn’t real. He was young again, and he was staring at the fire as it destroyed everything he knew as home. His father reached for him and grabbed his wrist. “What the fuck is going on, you useless idiot?” his voice is distant to his ears, just like if he had something in them. “Didn’t I tell you to look out for your fucking mother and Daryl? And now the whore is dead.” Suddenly he felt smaller, scared. Merle tried to get away, but he couldn’t move his feet, nor his arms. He opened his mouth to talk back, to finally tell his father what he really thought of him, but nothing came out._

_The punch on the nose came unexpected. “I guess I’ll have to use you now, yeah?”_

 

The prison wasn’t a happy place, but it was safe enough for Merle, or at least safer than the fake happiness of Woodbury, and its cells reminded him of his own time spent in similar places. And he had Rick. It was hard to admit, but he felt safer with someone sleeping by his side. Someone that was his equal and at least slightly cared about him. Someone that wasn’t Daryl.

Merle sat on the side of the bed, arms hugging his legs tightly. Blinking at the light against his sleepy eyes, he wondered if it was the case to wake Rick up and tell him how scared he really was, but decided against it. He wasn't a goddamned pussy, but he couldn’t help the trembling of his body. The cold, it must’ve been the cold of the night.

Merle's gaze trailed out of the window, passing over the Walkers' hoard that was getting bigger and bigger by the walls of the prison. He couldn’t hear their disgusting sounds, almost like even those walking dead were sharing his thoughts. Merle knew it wasn’t possible, but he damned them for giving him the chance to think about his past. He wondered why, so many years after the bastard's death, he had dreamed about Will raping and beating him.

Merle really thought he was over it, that he had come to accept and get over the abuse. He was strong now, wasn’t he?

Rick shifted position between the thin blankets, grunting slightly. Their eyes locked, and Rick frowned in worry, his forehead full of adorable wrinkles. Not that Merle would’ve ever admitted it to the other man. ''Merle? Why are you awake?'’

“I was thinkin’...” he shrugged. “Don’t really want to talk about it.” Merle’s hands trailed mindlessly on the cigarette burns on his chest, his lips pursed in a grimace.

 

_The burn was all he could think about, and that laugh. Damn that laugh. Will enjoyed making him suffer, but as long as he didn’t hurt Daryl, Merle would take it. “That serves you right for disappointing me, idiot” his father blew the smoke of the cigarette in Merle’s face and turned it off on Merle’s collarbone._

 

Rick sighed, sitting up. “Merle, we already talked about this. You have to open up, I want to help you and I can’t do that if you won’t even speak about what’s bothering you.” He seemed angry, and Merle couldn’t help but get angry too.

“Listen, Officer Friendly” Merle growled. He turned away from his lover, fixing his eyes on the dust dancing in the air, on the bars fixed to the window, on the contorted faces of the Walkers illuminated by the moonlight, anywhere to not look into Rick’s piercing blue eyes. “I’m tryin’, okay? It’s fucking difficult for me!” Merle took a long breath and shivered. He could hear his heart beating faster and faster in his chest. Yeah, he admitted to himself reluctantly, he was fuckin’ scared.

“What is difficult, exactly?” Rick reached for Merle’s arm and the older man jumped like he had just hit him. The ex-officer's eyes widened in shock.

“I-I am sorry” Merle mumbled. “I’ve been waking up to some pretty awful memories lately.”

“That much I had gathered, princess” Rick licked his lips. “You toss around in the bed like you’re possessed...”

 

“ _Ya like that, uhm?” Will dug his fingers into the tender skin of Merle’s hips. “I didn’t know I had a daughter” his husked voice had a hint of a laugh as he trusted mercilessly into Merle. “My beautiful little princess.”_

 

“Don’t call me that!” Merle hit Rick in the chest, a weak hit if Merle had ever seen one. “Don’t. That’s what he used to call me when he- No. No, no” Gulping, Merle covered his face and furiously took away the single tear that threatened to go down his cheek. He didn’t want to cry, not in front of Rick, not in front of anyone.

“Okay, now I’m seriously worried. What the fuck is going on?” Rick wrapped his arms around Merle, and this time the other man didn’t shy away from the touch. He blinked, as something seemed to click in his mind. “It’s about your father, isn’t it?”

Merle closed his eyes and warned “Officer Friendly...”. He didn’t want Rick to really know how fucked up his past was, it was already too much for himself to do.

“Merle” Rick took Merle’s chin in his hand and forced him to look in his eyes. Rick’s were sure, they felt safe, and Merle wondered if his lover could see the fear in his own hollow eyes. His jaw tightened and Rick kept talking. “You have to trust me, okay? I won’t comment on anything, I’ll just listen. And my opinion of you won’t change. I promise. Do you trust me?”

“How could your opinion of me not change when you finally get to know how fucked up I really am?”

“Merle.”

“Okay, okay.” Merle breathed in and out for a few seconds, gathering the courage to talk. “I’ll tell you.” He felt like he was going to vomit, and the old belt scars on his back hurt like they were brand new and not years old.

Rick kept quiet as he caressed Merle’s head, even if Merle could see he wanted to speak.

“Did Daryl tell you anything about our ol’ man?” Merle was curious on how much his little brother had shared with Rick, and he seriously hoped it was close to nothing.

“He told me he used to beat the shit out of you both” Rick’s eyebrows rose. “Why?”

“So he doesn’t know.” A slight smirk curved Merle’s lips as he relaxed his now aching muscles. He tried to shake away the sensation of broken bones from his limbs and breathed out.

“Know what?”

“Will was a shit of a father. Beating me up wasn’t the only thing he did, Rick” he felt another tear fall down his cheek and licked his lips, averting Rick’s shocked face.

“Do you mean-”

“Yes!” Merle interrupted. “I bet ya would’ve enjoyed it, seeing me cry like a fucking baby as he raped me-”

“Merle” it was a soft whisper, but it was enough for Merle to stop talking. “You can’t seriously think that. I would’ve killed him.”

The ghostly sensation of his father’s hands on him was too much to bear, and Merle punched the hard mattress. He kept quiet.

“Seriously, Merle?” Rick seemed more surprised than angry, but Merle couldn’t understand why. “Do you still think I don’t love you? After all we went through?”

Merle felt like Rick had just hit him in the stomach. “It’s not that… I think” he blinked a few times, trying to find the right words. While he was in Woodbury he had calmed down, found a place where he belonged, and he had learned to give a weight the words coming out of his mouth. He didn’t want to fuck up with Rick as he did with everyone else in the past. “I just find it unbelievable that someone would care about me.”

“You have changed. You’re not the asshole I saw the first time we met. That falseness is gone. It took me a while to understand you’d changed. And I fell in love with you. It’s not hard to understand.”

“I’m a simple-minded piece of shit” Merle clicked his tongue, remembering Daryl’s words.

“Look… I think we should talk about all of this, and I mean all” Rick eyed Merle “in the morning, when you’ve calmed down. Now we need to rest, don’t you think?” Rick lied down and wrapped his arm around Merle’s neck, getting his lover’s face closer to his chest. “Breath in, breath out. Think of me and what we did earlier. Don’t let your father ruin what you have now.”

Merle mumbled a “Thank you”, grateful that Rick understood he wasn’t in the mood to talk about his father. Rick wouldn’t have let it go the next day though, that much Merle was sure about, and he needed all the rest he could have if he wanted to talk about Will in the morning. He sighed, trying to even his breath, and closed his eyes.

After a few minutes listening to Rick’s heartbeat, Merle heard the other mean whisper. “You are safe and sound with me, Merle. I wish I could tell you what I think when you are awake, but I promise I’ll show you.”

The ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, and Merle finally fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments fill my soul and make me happy, so please tell me what you think of this! :)
> 
> My poor Merle, my baby ;_; He needs all the hugs, okay?


End file.
